first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
