I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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