like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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