Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
