I just pynch a tree in the face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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