I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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