dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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