Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
