Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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