you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
