if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm having to shit out rocks
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize