I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
