I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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