lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
