no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
