yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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