we have pet lesbian snakes
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
