"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
