How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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