in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
