he told me I talked like a deaf person
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
