so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
