Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
