So drunk its hurt
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
