since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
