soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
