I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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