He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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