she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
