I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
