Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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