Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
