I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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