you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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