Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
