You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize