I have demons in me.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
