I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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