didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
