somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
