I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
