You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
