Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
