Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
