those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
