Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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