I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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