It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
