PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
