Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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