Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
