we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
