Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
