i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
