Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
