I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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