If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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