Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
