the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
