The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize