Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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