I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Found your dick twin last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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