At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
