So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
