A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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