In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
